Not Exactly the Way Pictured it… Yet Perfect

Last week, as we were preparing for our fifth year anniversary vacation to Hatteras Island, the weather was sunny everyday. Well, we’ve had some adventures this week! We got here to the Island, and spent two days sitting on the porch relaxing (backporch, the silence of the sound, front porch, the gentle waves).

Our first little adventure was when Basho broke free from his collar on the dog’s trip out to go potty. Basho is still a puppy at just a year old, and we should have named him Tigger from the way he bounds everywhere. So he was bounding around running from me as I chased after him. We make a game, and I try to get him to chase me into the house. Finally he took a break to go potty, where I was able to wrangle him back in.

Before the digs out of the sand.

The next day, we took them on bit of a walk, and on the way back, Barton pulls off the road to let an ambulance pass by. Into the sand, of course. I attach the dogs to a sign post, remove all the bags from his wheelchair. At just that moment, Barton sees a couple riding bikes and flags them down. With the three of us, we managed to push his wheelchair back up onto the road.

But, as we turned into the house, Barton took a different way in, back into the sand of course. This time, we were on our own. He had me get two pieces of firewood to wedge under the wheels, and with a bit of pushing and rocking, I pushed his wheelchair out.

We were unaware of the two fronts, remnants from Ira and the Northeasterly wind front that were about to make a huge splash across the Island very quickly. The power went out the first night of the storm, and as I looked down the street, realized it wasn’t just our house, the entire Hatteras Village had lost power. Finally, power came back on after many fits and starts.

Crashing Waves after the storm.

The rest of the week, we watched 6-12 foot waves and the water pool on the streets both from the ocean and the sound. I had taken our car to higher ground, but found we were in one of the best places on the Island with minimum flooding. However, to retrieve our car, I had to walk two miles in the wind, fog and pools of water covering the street. For several nights, the house rocked to the force of the wind.

We ventured out to Hatteras Village and realized how lucky we were. Water covered nearly all of the streets. We stopped at the only restaurant that was open and hadn’t been flooded and listened to talk about the storm. Outside, the locals walked or rode their bikes down the flooded streets in galoshes and water bibs.

To get off of the island, we must take the ferries as the road north of us has been washed out, and so we must wait to see if and when they will run. (No, our adventure isn’t over yet)!

Rainbow Over the Sound.

Rainbow Over the Sound.

Yet, we had the best week together. On our anniversary, we drank champagne with strawberries, read poetry, danced to music. We sat on the porch and just relaxed into the silence of the sound and then witnessed the power of the ocean’s waves and listened to the constant wind across the ocean. We watched dolphins surf and flip through the incredible crashing waves. We watched the stars dance across the night and a rainbow across the sound between storms. We cuddled up together when we lost power. We wrote and read to each other on the swing overlooking the beach and ocean.

We couldn’t have had a better week.


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Happy 5th Anniversary (from Barton)

Out of the back of the ferry, I watch a pair of sea hawks gliding on the airstream of the boat. Above them, the first blue sky in five days. While I did not expect to have such an eventful week, filled with howling winds and a battery of rain causing the Hatteras Dunes, I could think of no better way to spend a week of celebration with the woman I love.

I suppose that after five years as a couple, I should expect nothing less than the unexpected, which makes for a wonderfully rich and diverse life. I came to this vacation with great anticipation of spending the week writing, both on our manuscript and for this blog, creating some fun videos and finding some ways to get my coaching practice off the ground. And of course, all of this would be done on a gorgeous porch overlooking the ocean waves or on the sound depending on what we fancied at that particular moment.

 

Silence of the Sound

Silence of the Sound

At the beginning of the week, we were perfectly on course to see this through as the first day we were there, we spent the entire day relaxing watching the sound mirror an infinitely blue sky. We also had the much-needed opportunity to allow every spec of tension to be washed away by the sound of the surf.

 

After three days of relaxing and exploring the neighboring island of Occacroke, the remnants of Ida rolled in. Then the fun began. We both agreed that, despite the warnings, it was worth staying put, even amidst pouring rain and gusting winds.

In between the periods of rain, I couldn’t help but to step out onto the porch and revel at the sight of the enormous waves. In preparation, we scurried to the grocery store and got all the nessacery provisions for the rest of the week which included ample chocolate and beverage. Since the house we were in was situated on the northern tip of Hatteras where there is little more land than 200 feet between sea and sound, Megan found higher ground for our rental van in hopes of keeping it from being washed away. Alas, by Thursday morning a break in the dunes to the north of us was causing flooding to the “safer” area where we left the vehicle. At the same time, the local taxi had stopped running, causing Megan to trek out on foot to save the van. Thursday evening, the clouds broke briefly and we were able to enjoy the setting sun cast amazing tones on the nearby clouds.

By Saturday, the day we were originally supposed to leave, I was beginning to feel a bit of cabin fever and since the area near the house looked relatively clear, we decided to venture out for lunch. About a quarter mile up the road, we found ourselves treading through a river six inches deep covering the width of the road. Having perused our options (those limited few that were open and dry) we turned our sea-fairing van around and headed for a hole-in-the-wall on the edge of Hatteras Village, before the worst of the flooding.

 

Flooding in Hatteras

Flooding in Hatteras

Perhaps, however, the greatest adventure started this morning as we packed the van at 5 AM to catch the ferry alongside other evacuees. Yet again we found ourselves wading through flooding roads with six or more inches of water but this time the already low riding van was weighed down by brimming luggage and two dogs in addition to my wheelchair. As we found our way through the deepest waters, we noticed the electricity dim in the van as the battery light went on and a faint waft of smoke rose from the hood. Thankfully, however, we made it to the ferry with only a minor panic. Once in line to board, Megan asked some people from an adjacent car what to if our car died. To our amazement the couple that we spoke with are adopting a boy with CP and are exploring the possibilities of moving to Raleigh. After a great conversation, we all boarded safely and are on our way home. What a great anniversary!

 

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Happy Anniversary! (from Megan)

This week, we traveled to Hatteras Island to celebrate our fifth year anniversary and had a true adventure of sun, storm, and wind! Our lives together have been an adventure, and it’s been amazing to think about how far we’ve come in only five years.

We’ve had our share of celebrations and challenges over the years including moving to North Carolina, buying a house, starting our own writing business, Barton’s surgery, challenges of growing our family, and speaking at conferences and events. I am so blessed to be with someone who truly lives life with a smile and an open heart.

I admit, I grew up with a more cautious outlook on life. As a very young child, I would look to what my mother or my father thought of what I was doing, remnants of challenges with their divorce. I would look to the approval of those in authority and held back.

 

Thinker on the Balcony

Thinker on the Balcony

Coming out of those old thought patterns, I am blessed to see how open Barton is, with all life experiences.

 

As an inter-ability couple, we’ve had many challenges along the way from people who thought we shouldn’t be married in the first place to a continual break down of stereotypes where a family member has a disability. But with laughter and a bit of perseverance, we have walked through many of those challenges.

We’ve also had many joys, from celebrating with Chinese eating on the floor of our first house to reading and speaking at many different conferences and events, we are always a part of something new and exciting. I am always amazed at the different projects we have worked on over the years.

A toast to the years to come and to the adventures ahead!


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A Whirlwind of Words

This past weekend, Barton and I traveled to Atlanta, GA where I spoke at the Annual Writing and Wellness Connections Conference. I was excited to be with other writers who practiced and facilitated writing specifically for health, healing and wellness. We enjoyed a night out with family and drove back early Sunday morning just in time to help set-up for the Annual North Raleigh Author Showcase, where we facilitated the Open Mic section of the event.

We are lucky to be in an area where there are so many writing networks and events, supporting the literary community and finding an opportunity to give other writers a voice. There’s not a week that goes by where we aren’t reading at an open mic, facilitating a workshop, working on a story or attending writer’s meeting. 

Barton has dipped back into writing poetry, while I enjoy writing poetry and longer non-fiction pieces as well. When we first met, Barton and I would email poetry and short stories back and forth as a part of our courting. Because of the time difference between Alabama and Arizona, I would receive e-mail with a poem in the morning and in the evening. Little did I know that Barton would spend an hour or more writing each email because he uses a head pointer, technology assistive device, to type.

Barton&MeganGlobe

Barton and Megan at The Globe Theatre.

Last year, we traveled to London and Scotland to attend a family wedding, Barton and I attended A MidSummer Night’s Dream at The Globe Theatre. We were right up against the stage, groundlings, and it was so incredible to see the best actors and actresses in theatre, with natural lighting, drawing the audience in. We could have reached out & touched them!  

The day before, we just had a few hours to ourselves, and we literally raced up cobble streets to get to The British Library to see the original works of some of the greatest literary writers in Europe including Shakespeare’s first manuscripts, pages from Leonardo Divinci’s Notebooks, letters from Jane Austin, drawings from Galileo and Isaac Newton, Captain Cook’s Diary, the Guttenberg Bible, Dante’s Divine Comedy- the list went on and on. From Barton’s view, he was able to see printed text and designs not only from above, but from the side view, inside the pages, as well. There was no one else that could have shared the delight and joy of looking at these delicate treasures. 

While we still write poems for each other, we find we are now united in bringing a voice and opportunities for others to express themselves, to tell their own stories. This November, we’ll be completing Ink In the Wheels: Stories to Make Love Roll, to be published in 2010, and we are excited to be telling our story, inspiring others to live and love.

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When the support isn’t supportive

Yesterday, as Megan said in her post, we had to let go of my morning help.  While on one hand this was extremely difficult for me as we had been without help in the mornings for over a year, it became apparent that there was a clear disconnection between my needs and her understanding of this situation. 

As a person with a disability, I have a strong conviction that I was put here in this form to help teach.  Moreover in situations where I require the support of others, I expect that at a very fundamental level that they will enhance, in one way or another, the relationship or task at hand.   Much of what I attempt to do, in every interaction, is to provide an example of  inspiration despite any physical limitations.  In my own experience, this comes from a strong determination to do what I believe to be right in any given circumstance.  Often this involves great patience, deep faith, and the ability to act on the need of others at that time.  Most of the time I have found that people  respond favorably with a willingness to learn and grow from our encounter.  Yet in this particular situation this was not the case.

While I do rely on the support of others to perform certain physical functions, this in no way lessens who I am as a human being or as a man.  So what happened when someone who is supposed to support me does not view me as a whole and capable human being?  I understand that because of her training as a nurse she had a very clear understanding of what was required to get the job done.  However, as often happens in nursing homes or other atmospheres where human dignity is compromised, there was, from our perspective, a resistance to acknowledging that I was capable of asking for what I needed in the way that was most appropriate to my situation. 

I found that in this situation I gained a unique perspective on what happens to people living in nursing homes and institutions who lose their passion for life.  I found that after several times of asking for things in the way I needed them done I soon quit asking as I realized that my attempts were nothing more than wasted breath.  This lack of respect began to impact the way I viewed my decision making ability.  At the same time she  continually placed Megan in the position of sole decision maker which over time began to erode  the balance in our relationship. 

While  both Megan and I had attempted to address the situation with her, both as a couple and individually,  our attempts did not prove helpful in changing the circumstances. As you might guess, the emerging patterns and behavior that  I noticed in myself as well as in my relationship to my family were in drastic opposition to the way I choose to live my life. 

It was for this reason and this reason alone that Megan and I chose to let her go.  Interestingly  in the past 36 hours or so, Megan and I have felt more aligned than we have in months and it has felt incredible.


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