Love Rolls On

Discovering Space.

About two months ago, I was looking at our dining room, filled with my mother’s dining room table, china cabinet, two bookcases and chairs. The black lamp covers sat on top of chandelier lights, untouched since we had moved into our house. I always thought that the room just looked dark and cramped. Unfortunately, the dining room table was used for sorting mail, the file pile and organizing receipts for taxes. I knew that we needed to change this space, but I just didn’t know how. I etched a small list hidden in the corner on our bulletin board in the kitchen that held a glint of the vision I held.

Several weeks ago, Barton was away for the weekend at a seminar, and I couldn’t help it- I went into overdrive. I moved all of the furniture out of the dining room, stacks of books piled high on the table now in the middle of the living room. By the time Barton came home, I had changed the covers on the chandelier lights and figured out how to raise them, set down carpet padding and two layers of canvas tarp in the empty room. I had exhausted myself, more than once, moving heavy furniture and piles of books all on my own.

After Barton had seen and approved the initial transformation (as there was no way I was moving it all back), I stapled down the carpet padding and canvas- hopefully to avoid the grinding and tangling under Barton’s wheelchair.

I also decided that I was ready to let go of my mother’s dining room table and china cabinet. In the weeks that followed, it became less about the physical furniture and more about the ability to claim myself, who I am and what space I need to create, work, function, thrive. For others, this may be a simple task, but to me, it was a huge leap.

For years as a child I would switch from my mother’s house to my father’s house, with separate clothes, beds, animals, separate lives. It wasn’t until college that I even considered the idea of having my own space, and later after my mother passed away, realizing that it was okay to move the furniture out of its place. This current overhaul is just the next evolution. It required me to let go of having a “normal” house.

My father and stepmother love to host parties at their house, a room full of family or guests around their dining room table. We’d love to do the same, but frankly it never happens that way. Typically, we go to others for a social engagement, and when we do have guests over, I have to explain that coffee tables and chairs just get in the way or the dogs just tore a hole in the futon. So we sit outside on our back porch enjoying the pine trees at dusk.

During this most recent transformation, Barton was amazed as I was able to let go of some additional pieces that I was adamant about holding onto, and we even moved the bedroom around.

The last few days, we’ve walked through the house amazed at the light and spaciousness that we both feel. There’s more work to do, as one day, I’ll be brave enough to splatter paint the canvas floor covering. Until then, we’ll revel in enjoyment in this newly discovered space.