This week was not my most impeccable week, not by a long shot. It took me by surprise because I was so excited about many things, the book coming together, work projects moving along, getting back to writing, and finally some moments to take care of my own needs.
Work in the yard needed to be done for a long time. I could see the front bushes sticking out above the roofline. I thought I would be able to tackle the front yard in the morning, and the back yard in the afternoon. Three hours later, it looked like I had hardly made a dent in trimming the bushes in the front.
My arms ached, and my back hurt as I stood on the ladder reaching as far as I could with the clippers. I huffed and puffed, my ego getting the best of me. This wave of frustration rolled over. Why was I spending all day cutting the bushes when there was so much other stuff I could be doing? Remnants still remain scattered on the ground.
The week did not get much better. At lunch after a conference where Barton was working, I reached down to clean my glasses with the edge of my shirt, and they snapped in half. I slipped the broken pieces in Barton’s pocket, and we laughed about it, but all I could think about was, how were we going to make the four-hour drive home?
I was so embarrassed as hotel staff worked with tape and glue to help me, even the chief engineer at the hotel worked on them to glue my glasses back together, a process that took several hours. Not only could I have died with embarrassment, but I had also lost my workday, with some deadlines that needed to be taken care of – and there was NOTHING I could do.
Barton has this uncanny ability to laugh at the most ridiculous events in life. And throughout the time I have known Barton, crazy things have happened, but to him, they are a part of the richness of life. Laughing at the silliness of whatever the event is brings with it a freedom to move through it.
For me, not so much. The process of letting go of my expectation to be perfect is equivalent to yanking a tooth from a dinosaur. And the times of the most growth is when I want to hang on for dear life. I so thank Barton for teaching me that instead of wasting time beating myself up or worrying, it is so much easier to let it all go, doing the best I can, and being patient with me during this process.
We learn by our mistakes, we grow through our failures, and we live through all the foibles of our everyday lives. For the most part, our lives are filled with joy, excitement and satisfaction. And the rest, well, it is what is it.
So, at the moment, my nickname is Murkel, until the glue and tape comes off my glasses, that is.
~Megan